A letter for my son, Aqlan Ahmad

Dear son,

From the moment i heard your heartbeat inside my womb, i started to pledge.

I want to be the very best for you. I want to be your idol.
I want you to look up into me.
I want you to know that my love for you got no boundaries.

Son,

I want you to know that we might not see each other for quite some time.
So i want you to understand that it doesn't mean i do not love you anymore.
It is just that i got to do what i got to do.

Meanwhile,

When i was away,  listen to those who care for you.
Make their life easy.
You are now my mini embassador.
Make me proud sayang. As always.

When i settled everything and come back for you.

Pleaseeee...

Ran from afar. Hold and hug me tight. Kissed my chin,  cheek, forehead and we touch our noses like we always did. Tell me how much you love and missed me.

I promise to bring you presents. Eventhough i know the presents could not make up the lost time. Im so sorry sayang.

Im gonna missed your smells,  your smiles,  your stares, your touch,  your care.

Love xoxo,
Momma

No recent picture taken.
#Throwback old picture.

Kinabalu Park
Eid Adha
2017

#MyAqlanAhmad
#aletterforason
#suratuntukanakanda

A pinch test from Allah about redha

Last saturday i went to my MBA class at UiTM Kuantan.

During break,  we went to a stall nearby and get some light refreshments. We chit chatting and i overheard a conversation between two of my classmates.

Apparently,  Kak Shan,  our PTD officer just being transferred from a department  to another department.  She feels very sad so i try to calm her by saying that,  there will be hikmah of what is happening right now.

I shared with her about my own experience. When i feel demotivated, i straight  away do things that can motivate me back.

i remember telling her about what Datuk Dr.  Fadzilah Kamsah once told,  if we lost something that we dearly love or treasure,  we have to be redha and pray to Allah to compensate the loss with something better.  I gave her an example if you loss your car, redha and ask for new car from Allah instead.

Later when the class adjourned,  i couldn't  find my car key.. I tried to recall the last location  but i couldn't remember. I went downstairs and feel relieved that my car was still there at the carpark.

I went to the stall and ask the worker there if they saw my car key left on the table,  but one of the staff said no.

My friend and i tried to search for it in our class, at the musolla and at anywhere possible. But we still didnt get any clue.

An then,  that is the moment when i called my police friend and ask for his help to look after my car while i left my car there.  I decided to go somewhere else and just left my car there

To cut short,  one of ny friend ask me to ask the stall's staff again.  And we did.  Alhamdulillah. We found my car key.

Suddenly i feel very small.  Allah tested me on how i want to put redha into reality. Allah tested me on how to walk the talk. And Alhamdulillah,  i think i survived the test.

A quick recap from 2013-2018

Hello everybody.
Im back in blogging after feeling inspired by my UiTM friend, Azim.

In this blog,  i plan to write everything that i feel fb or IG cannot.

Look back at 2008, why i started blogging because of my passion in writing and passion of photography. So i use this platform to capture all the moment.

My last post was on 2013. After 5 years, so much things happen to me.

Im going to do some summary here.

2013= i bought my first home
I get married to the person i love. (bukan kahwin paksa)

I get pregnant
We went on cruise trip

2014= i loss the 1st pregnancy
And i get pregnant again
10 oct 2014, #AqlanAhmad was born.  Alhamdulillah. Truly a blessing  from god. He was a perfect son i could ever ask for.
I really his hearr shaped tongue.
Decided to do minor surgery.

2015= i couldn't  think of anything  special during this year.  What i still can remember, im struggling to breast feed  Aqlan.  Up until he is 1 year old,  on oct 2015, we did Aqiqah for him.
I stop breastfeeding Aqlan.

I realized  im pregnant  again. I wasnt ready.

Aqlan took his first long step after his birthday.

December: i met with an accident
Two weeks after that i loss my 2nd pregnancy again.  It was a spontaneous miscarriage.

2016= im struggling with work.  Sometimes i feel i gave up with everything.

Oct : we went to our first oversea trip to Krabi,  Thailand.

2017= on January we did surgery for Aqlan's tongue tie.
My last Annual Sales Convention. Went to Sunway Lagoom with my Bff.

I got pregnant again.  It was the planned one. But i miscarried again on March.
April i left Public Bank
May i joined Affin Bank as Personal Banker.
May: i went to Jakarta, Indonesia trip  with PBB staff

Aug: i bought new car. It is Proton Ertiga. I left JoVi in Amir's hand.

We went to Sabah for raya haji.
I started my MBA Journey.

2018=Jan: i went on oversea trip to Yogyakarta with my BFF.

I made new bff,  but i loss a bff.  Totally a mixed feelings.

Feb: i left my job at Affin Bank
Unemployed
I got 3.56 cgpa for last semester.

March : i got offer from other bank.
26-29/3/2018 we are going to oversea trip again.  This time round im bringing my husband n aqlan together with my mom and dad.


Till then.

Ape yang kita buat akan kembali semula kepada kita

do not simply quote any words or download any pictures from my blog. you have to seek for my permission or at least give me a notification. your cooperation is much appreciated.tq!

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Sy mmg percaya yang setiap perkara yang berlaku dlm dunia ini bersebab. Cthnya, sy tau knp sy ditakdirkan untuk praktikal di Rhomax, sbb kalau tak sy takkan berpeluang berjumpa dgn org yang berpengaruh dlm industri minyak dan gas di Malaysia ini. Oleh sebab itu, sy juga percaya ape yang sy buat akankembali semula kepada sy.haha..poyo kan, sy cube untuk terjemah dari perkataan what goes around comes around.

Sy percaya dengan berbuat baik kepada makhluk ciptaan tuhan yang lain, kita turut akan mendapat balasan baik yang stimpal.begitu juga bile kita buat sesuatu yang buruk.pasti balasan buruk akan menimpa kita samaada kita sedar atau tidak.

Mlm semalam sewaktu dalam perjalann pulang dari Laman Ampaian,sy melalui sebatang jalan yang agak sunyi .tiba2 ada sebuah saga blm yang berhenti betul2 di hadapan sy. Sy teragak2...tetapi tetap merapati kereta tersebut. Sewaktu tngkap kereta itu diturunkan, pemilik kenderaan tu bertanya kepada sy

Dia: you nak naik atas ke?(merujuk kepada temapt tinggal sy)

Saya: yup (sambil tersenyum)

Dia: takpelah...i bawak you

Wah wah wah...terharu sangat ni...sy pon naik jela kereta tu kan...then, dlm keret pon start la berkenalan Tanya duk blok mane, no bape dan sebagainya.. lepas perkenalkan diri, tau lah nama orang yang ber,murah hati tu..shirley namanya..

Tak sangka sangat harini ade org yang sudi menumpangkan saya pulang kerumah kerana risaukan sy berjalan dlm gelap mlm.padahal, mmg it upon jalan yang dilalui setipa hari selamam hamper sebulan ini.haha...berterima aksih sgt buat Shirley..semoga die cpai kesenangn kat dunia ni sbb sudi menolong org yang kesusahan dan serba kekuranagn sperti sya. Itulah..mugkin juga berkat pertolongan ikhlas kepada sesiapa yang pernah mengenali sy..

banjir-dungun-oneuponatime

what i want to achieve in 2013

well , for  2013,

i planned to :

1. Get married (on the way)

2. Buy house (booked)

3. Buy new hp (now eyeing HTC one X )

4. pay ptptn regularly

5. pay zakat

6. buy more gold for my self (bought one pair of earing this year)

7. get beyond hd for mak

8. go oversea

9. continue study

10. to be continue---

a big day is approaching

Now, less than a month, a special day approaching me.

Im very excited yet so nervous because i still have lots of thing to be done before the actual day.

i really hope that everything goes well during that day.

later,  i'll share with all of you some of the preparation done for that special occassion.

so stay tuned.

love xx

cz~

2012 summary

its been a while from my last updates.

as we are now in 2013, lots of things happen.

so, i would like to do a summary of 2012.

its all about achievements and memories.

well, i'll start with January 

nothing special as i couldnt remember anything special except fo rmy birthday on 4th and yeah now i remember.. family day to A famosa melaka during CNY holiday.

Feb

 is the month when i resign from easy by RHB and join Public Bank Group

13 Feb 2012

March

struggling to achieve target.lol

April

May

my sis getting married to a sabahan guy. yay!

 

June

went to kk for majlis bertandang. very happy with the memories there. because my love ones also join us.

 

July

Lil bro and Lil sis come back from Egypt

 

Aug

to kk once again.celebrating raya i put on weight

 

Sept 

Oct

Nov

 My confirmation in service letter comes in. praise to god

Dec

bonuses.yay!

new blog

hello guys, I want to update you guys with my new blog. if you want to follow me at the other blog, please do so. however, i will still updating this webby  blog from time to time.

http://chykeencz.blogspot.com

see you there :)

a broken heart letter for you

Dear you; thank you for the last two messages you send yesterday evening. they broke my heart. i can't never imagine you gave me a solution like that*.thank you so much for doing this after everything i did for you. i dont mind if you resist to help me this time and i start to think that i dont mind losing you either. i know i'm too perfect for you untill you feel insecure whenever you with me. i know i'm way too perfect. i can't help it.forgive me for that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN57pslLbdQ&feature=player_embedded

it's mother's day ya' all

so, today is mothers' day. not yesterday or day before. 8th of May 2011. Today i expected to view lots of clichè facebook status that claim everyday should be a mother's day . at some point of view. i don't agree with the statement. yeah! hate me for being too honest. TT .  As for my opinion, a mother's day is a day where mother feels happy and get whatever she wanted for her special day. It's like celebrating 2nd birthday. TRUST ME! hence the retail shopping spree (on your pay day) for mum and a massive frontyard&backyard cleaning is obviously the best ever gift. BUT wait. can you do that everyday? ................................................................................................. For me, we should care for her everyday: *call her every two hours (say she have anything to say) when her phone is blocked due to late payment . haha: don't angry ma. OR *hug and kiss her everyday instead saying how much you love her. for my superb mom, thanks for everything. thanks for being a helpful hand when i broke in the middle of month and need to go training; thanks for lending me your ears and soothe my heart whenever i feel down; thanks for the advice and guidance; thanks for your understanding in many ways. i love you and will always love you.

masih menunggu

i know you know

it have been quite sometime you and i together. like you said to my friend, 'only one part is happiness. another five are all about food'. we fought a lot along our relationship. i hate this and that. you love these and those. however, our imperfection completes each of us. you have to agree that.                                                             i know that you read this crap blog at times. SO, im not gonna write here about my feelings to you. *ok i lied. T T.                  i kinda have feelings that you wont be mine and this inner sense i had never turn me down: SO FAR...    sometimes i have a butterfly in my stomach telling me not to soooo into you. I GUESS YOU KNOW WHAT I KNOW YOU KNOW

invite-invite chicken/ chicken inviting

dia ajak saya pergi piknik, dia ajak-ajak ayam. dia akan pergi piknik esok dan dia tak ajak saya. dia cuma ajak-ajak ayam pergi untuk jadi bahan bakar. kawan-kawan dia ajak kawan-kawan pergi piknik. tp dia tak ajak saya kawannya pergi piknik. seronoknya.... tak sabar nak dengar cerita seronok dari dia lusa atau isnin atau minggu depan. atau minggu satu lagi. dia tak ajak saya pergi piknik sebab dia kata saya takkan dapat pergi. dia tak ajak saya, jadi saya tak minta cuti hari dia pergi piknik. dia pergi piknik dengan kawan- kawan dia. dia tak ajak saya. juga tak ajak-ajak ayam. tapi saya teman die belikan ayam untuk piknik.

ada apa dengan petang begini?

nido not simply quote any words or download any pictures from my blog. you have to seek for my permission or at least give me a notification. your cooperation is much appreciated.tq! Cuaca semakin panas semenjak dua menjak ni. kontra dengan tempat kerja yang ada aircond. bila senja semakin hampir, barulah matahari malu-malu memencil diri. petang-petang begini usai shift pagi, memang cocok amat kalau dapat beriadah. dapat juga hilangkan ketensyenan di minda.tapi, kalau kat tempat joging pon ada 'punca' stress bagaimana? cecite cecite.... nampak gayanya, azam untuk kuruskan badan akan terus tekubur. blood pressure kena jaga. silap2 doktor konfirm terus ade hipertension. tak ke tensi nanti.haih~.               oh ya. tengah hari tadi, berjalan ke jalan bahagia. dan terjumpa kelibat rumah cikgu kesayangan yang dicari2. mungkin akan memikirkan waktu yang sesuai untuk melawat beliau di rumah. harap semuanya baik2 belaka. :))

jejak kasih

do not simply quote any words or download any pictures from my blog. you have to seek for my permission or at least give me a notification. your cooperation is much appreciated.tq.                        When i was kid, i never thought that i will love english so much. until I met a wonderful teacher. Her name is teacher noraini. as years goes by, i started to miss her and really hope that i can reunIte with her again. yesterday i found her daughter on fb and quickly i add her to my friend list. after walking around her page; i finally saw her home address which i definitely is going to find the house. i 'M sO happy at the moment:

kawan saya

do not simply quote any words or download any pictures from my blog. you have to seek for my permission or at least give me a notification. your cooperation is much appreciated.tq!

I have a friend. She has a strong heart. She just lost her love ones. (the only love ones). Not only god knows, how sad she is. I exactly feel the same way. I know she is now trying so hard to forget all the sorrow and I know that she will be okay as time goes by. I hope that she will find her 'happiness' again. insyaAllah.

tak menarik

do not simply quote any words or download any pictures from my blog. you have to seek for my permission or at least give me a notification. your cooperation is much appreciated.tq!

tak macam masa di universiti dahulu, ada sahaja cerita yang hendak disampaikan di dalam blog. tak ada cerita pun buat cerita juga.pendek kata, blog memang tak pernah sunyi. kalau nak dibandingkan dengan sekarang, huuuu... memang lain sangat.

kekeringan idea. mana taknya. hari-hari yang dilalui sekarang tidak seperti dulu. pergi kerja dan balik kerja. tiada ape yang menarik untuk dikongsi. kalau ada pun semsetinya perihal hal ehwal di tempat kerja. rakan sekerja yang inilah, rakan sekerja yang itulah. memang tiada yang menarik.

berkerjaya dan berumah tangga

do not simply quote any words or download any pictures from my blog. you have to seek for my permission or at least give me a notification. your cooperation is much appreciated.tq!

nampak tak topik di atas tu saling berkaitan? selalunya, sebelum amik keputusan untuk berumah tangga, mesti setiap pasangan mengimpikan pasangan yang berkerjaya. Dan, apabila seseorang itu sudah berkerjaya, ada kete sendiri, rumah sendiri dan kunci pejabat sendiri, mesti/konfirm punye lah mereka teringin nak berumah tangga pula. nampak kan nampak kan? kaitan antara berkerjaya dan berumahtangga.

indahnya hidup berumah tangga itu apabila:

1 ada insan yang *konfirm menyayangi kita

*tertakluk pada terma dah syarat. bwahahahh

2 ada orang yang kite leh bergantung harap.

*tak perlu lagi bersusah payah bangun tengah malam buatkan susu baby tiap hari sebab dah take turn dengan enche suami.bwahahahuhuuuuu

3 ada orang yang boleh teman pergi toilet atau minum air malam hari

* ini yang toilet luar bilik tidur la.

haih.. tak indah langsung bila ada no 2 dan 3 tu.

yang paling best bila berumah tangga ialah, apabila duitku adalah duitku tapi duitmu adalah duitku. muahahahahhaa.. nampak sangat materialistik. ok fine. takde orang nak kawen dengan aku dh.

tapi banyak pula cabarannya apabila sudah berkerjaya dan mahu berumah tangga. antara cabaran yang bakal timbul ialah:

1 sigadis pujaan hati semenjak sekolah rendah kini telah berkerjaya bagus, dan sijejaka masih tidur bawah ketiak mak dan tolong abah di kedai runcit. contoh.

jadi sijejaka pun mula rasa rendah diri dan kurang berkeyakinan.

hakikat: sigadis tak kisah pun pekerjaan sijejaka asalkan sijejaka itu ... > rujuk no 1 yang terpaling atas.

2 tanggapan orang sekeliling dan keluarga terhadap kemampuan pasangan dalam menguruskan sesebuah kenduri.

yela, sigadis kerja sebagai lawyer, sijejaka pula sebagai doktor. wallah... kenduri kawen kalau tak abes 100k boleh buat malu keluarga tu.

hakikat: pasangan zaman sekarang bersikap lebih realistik dan boleh bertolak ansur. bagi mereka, biar sederhana tetapi meriah dengan kehadiran artis sanak saudara.

berlainan pula bila awal-awal nak berumahtangga, yakni sebaik menggenggam segulung ijazah. 

biasanya terjadi pada pasangan yang sorang dah berkerja sorang lagi dalam sem akhir. atau sorang dah bunting kerja dan sorang lagi mak ayah tanggung belanja kawen. wah wahh....

meriah kan?

ha... mungkin itu definisi meriah yang sebenar. 

cakap-cakap:mungkin tak perlu berkerjaya tapi boleh berumah tangga.